Breathing Deeply

Thank you to all of my sweet friends who have sent encouraging words my way. They have been much appreciated. God held me together, and I made it til the end of last week in one piece.

This is a new week. And I am counting my many blessings. I feel like I am soaking the moments in with a renewed sense of gratitude. Amidst the continued busy schedule of football games, small group, 5K training, birthday parties, mounting laundry, and dwindling bank accounts, my heart feels lighter. I just hope that my dear Kristen can eventually feel God lightening her heart again as well.

As I've been thinking more about my kiddos, I have tried to notice the little things about each of them. The big things, and the silly things. Like Ellie loves to sing, and she is proud of her 'singing ability'. She also doesn't like macaroni n' cheese.....i don't know what is wrong with her! :) And Adelyn has started saying a lot more words lately, like 'light' 'yeah' and 'sonic'. Well, maybe she doesn't say Sonic quite yet, but she definitely knows to say "juice" every time she sees one! Caleb is so sweet and kind-spirited, but he is also a little self-righteous and scared of spiders.

I used to secretly wish that Ellie and Adelyn were more like Caleb. He has been a pretty easy kid to parent. And parenting would be so much easier if you could apply the same strategies you learned with the first kid to all of the other proceeding kids. However, it doesn't seem to work like that.

But I've decided that I like the variety of my children. I love the little things about them that make each of them different and unique. Even though it makes my job as their mommmy a little harder, it also makes it more adventuresome and fun.

Ellie enjoying her spaghetti lunch.....you gotta love this kid!

Caleb proudly showing the loss of his 1st tooth!

This is how I found Adelyn during her "nap" the other day.....is she related to her mama or what?! :)

Some sweet sister love

My three favorite people, at our new favorite getaway in Marble Falls.....more to come on that soon!

Life right now

I'm needing a little therapy right now. 98% of those of you reading this should probably move on to the next blog. This entry will not be cute, nor will it contain fun pictures. I should be going to bed. I'm exhausted. I have strep throat. I'm supposed to be getting up early, and the odds of me getting a good night's sleep tonight are slim to none. But I need a little therapy.

This week has been....not sure what word to use. I over use the word crazy. And I probably over use the word insane too. 'Busy' doesn't capture it. So, I'm not sure what word to use.

I have been grieving. I've probably grieved more than what is 'appropriate' for my relationship to the situation. But who decides that kind of thing? It doesn't matter really. The point is, I've been terribly sad. And grieving is very draining--emotionally and physically.

And then I had my women's small group, Potter's Clay this week. Blessing + Responsibility #1. Then I had a MOPS trip to Houston to see Beth Moore. I am a MOPS table leader this year, which is awesome, but another Blessing + Responsibility #2. This trip was a great point of renewal this week though. It was stressful organizing it, but I enjoyed it.

Then I got strep throat. Total bummer, but mild compared to life's ailments. It's just been frustrating to not be 100% while trying to take care of so many other things. Basically, I just don't have time to be sick. (that sounds so arrogant and pretentious....i don't mean it that way)

Then I had a MOPS meeting this morning, which I, of course, had to bring baked goods to. And then we had dance class. And then another flag football game. And now I am REALLY behind on preparing for mine and Dawson's 2nd Pre-marital Class tomorrow night (Blessing + Responsibility #3).

Of course, while this is all being juggled, I'm also training for a 5K. Yes, that's right....me.....running a 5K. Crazy, right?? NEVER did I imagine I could do something like this. But I haven't done it yet....still 2 more weeks of training to go. Another entry will be done solely about this adventure, I'm sure.

Plus, Adelyn is not sleeping well these days. And Ellie ends up in our bed most nights too. And our finances are a wreck, which of course, is so, so stressful. I HATE MONEY! Puke. Yuck. Gag me with a spoon.

Oh--and we are having a garage sale on Saturday. So, that'll be ridiculous....trying to get ready for that tomorrow, after we are done teaching our class! And then after the garage sale, we are supposed to drive out to Somerville to meet my parents and put on our happy faces to celebrate my Dad's birthday with them. AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Oddly, typing that does make me feel a little better. :)

Truthfully, instead of whining, I should be making a list of blessings. I have leaned on God hard this week. And He has been speaking some wonderful things to my heart. He keeps reminding me that our contentment and joy is mostly a matter of perspective. And even though I feel tired and overwhelmed by my life right now, I wouldn't have it any other way. My blessings don't just overflow my cup. They flood my life.

I am chin deep in a pool of blessings. I just need to stop frantically doggy-paddling, and just float. And breathe. Thank you God. Good therapy.

Heaven

I've cried more than a dozen times today. My heart hurts very deeply. It is because a precious, beautiful baby girl left this earth yesterday. Her name is Jordan. This is her.

Isn't she absolutely beautiful? I never had the privilege of physically meeting Jordan. But her sweet mother, Kristen, and I grew up together. She was a very good friend of mine. And still is. Even though I never got to hug her, or spend time with her, I feel like I knew Jordan from Kristen's emails, blog entries and facebook posts about her. I got to see her grow and change through all of her beautiful pictures, and keep up with her little life.

Jordan fought a form of cancer called Neuroblastoma for about a year. She braved many chemotherapy and radiation treatments, and endured a lot of trials. This sweet child was prayed for by probably thousands of people. And throughout the whole process, I was sure God was going to cure her, if for no other reason but that His glory could be known to so many. But... He didn't.

I know God well enough to know that He can handle my doubts and my anger. And I've been angry with Him over Jordan several times. I've asked Him lots of questions too......like why did she have to get cancer? Why a sweet, innocent baby? Why her? And why does Kristen have to lose the one precious child she's been given, and I still get to keep all three of mine? I know that it's not God's perfect will that anyone should suffer, but that the sin of this world manifests itself in many different terrible ways. And we also know God does intervene and provide miracles sometimes.....why not this time???

He hasn't answered all of my questions. But yesterday, He granted me some peace and perspective. He reminded me of something very important to the issue...... that this life...this painful world is not our destination. Even though, as humans, we value this lifetime so much and try to squeeze out every last minute we can, as believers, we have to remember that this earth is not our home. Our lives and souls are eternal. And our time on earth, whether 20 months or 92 years, is only a speck on the time line; a blip on the radar screen. Maybe not even that....

Jordan has simply beat us to the finish line. Her race was short, but no less meaningful. God used her in so many wonderful ways, and now she is enjoying her prize. I'm sure it was quite a celebration when the angels welcomed her home. And ultimately, Kristen will not just have these 20 short months with her, but she will get to spend an eternity with her, in the most perfect place.

Please pray alongside me for Kristen and Craig Plauschinat. May God be their comfort and strength....until the day when they are reunited with their their beautiful daughter.

Golden Gator....x 2!

A friend and I were talking a couple weeks ago about the blessing of thinking your husband and your kids are the very best. I have always thought Dawson, Caleb, Ellie and Adelyn are the best of the best....the absolute cream of the crop! And I've hoped that all of my friends and loved ones think the very same thing about their husbands and kids. I think that is the way God intended for us to feel....incredibly proud of and grateful for the ones He's given us.

Specifically, Caleb Wayne Skow is a pretty awesome kid. He is kind, thoughtful, funny, affectionate, intelligent, caring and just an all-around cool guy. I'm not sure any one on earth thinks as highly of him as I do, but it's nice to know that others see a glimpse of what I do. On Wednesday, Caleb was honored with the "Golden Gator award" from his 1st grade teacher. The award is only given to two children in each class for each six-weeks. This is the second year in a row that Caleb has been chosen as a Golden Gator by his teachers during the first six weeks of the year. Apparently, he makes a good 1st impression!! :)

All in all, God gets the glory. He is the one who designed Caleb's little heart and personality. Dawson and I are just trying to keep from messing him up! :) Our prayer for Caleb has always been that God would mold his heart to be like Jesus's heart. Thank you, Father, for allowing me to be his mother and for the blessing he is to all of us!

Here are pictures from the proud day: