Processing

Whew.  When Paul talks about running the race, I think he had a vision of what the 2020-2021 school year was going to look like. 

This was my 15th year in the classroom (I think), and it was the hardest year in many ways.  I remember crying quite a bit back in August and September, because of frustration and exhaustion. But then like everything else, the public education world and I found a new normal. One with masks. One with virtual classes and Google Slide documents. A year of continually living out the "old dog, new tricks" scenario. 

Admittedly, I have one of the very best jobs on my campus, and I absolutely had it easier than some.  My mixed job as both an AVID teacher & school librarian is a very unique position, even in the district. I feel incredibly privileged to have my job. But because it is so unique, it can also feel lonely. 

(-Side note-I've had this thought again and again the last few days- to every seeming advantage, there is a flip side. And in order for me to maintain deep empathy, I have to remember that.  Whether it is wealth, beauty, power, popularity....there are is always a flip side of heavy responsibility, insecurity, loneliness, etc. that accompanies it.)

Now, as I begin to process our crazy year in the rearview mirror, my job was the least of my worries and hardships.  Let's make a quick, simplified list of 20-21, shall we:

Caleb's concussion

Dawson getting covid

Then me getting covid

Then the kids getting covid

Getting pneumonia

Dawson losing his job

Leaving our church

Worst kidney stone of my life

Lice!?

Water pipe busting and seeping through floor

Oh- and all the while, raising 3 teenagers!

I think that about sums it up. At least those are things that are still weighing on my mind and heart.  I think that is what coming back to the blog is all about....trying to unload some of these things. Finally.  

And it must be noted, that God has reminded me again and again- these are not the worst things. I know that.  I totally and completely understand that. We have dear friends and family whose burdens and struggles far exceed and outweigh our own. Honestly, I am in awe of how several of them deal with the hardest things of life; they seem to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And may God continue to strengthen them. 

It is my understanding that part of emotional maturity, or maybe just being a grown-up, is finding that fine line between taking the time to really feel and process your emotions and mental junk, while also maintaining perspective and avoiding the Chicken Little thing. Right?  Well, if you know me, you know I am a big processer.  I like to verbalize or put words to things.  Expressing my thoughts and emotions is how I manage them.  Transversely, I am married to a "stuffer." Even after 20 years of living with someone like this, I don't understand this approach. Truly. But I know this is another management system. But it is not mine. To maintain some kind of day-to-day functionality, I have to process my thoughts and emotions.  If I tried to stuff my big emotions, I'm pretty sure I would explode.  

So I think I'll chunk these happenings and mishaps, and blog about them separately.  It's too much too tackle in one session.  

But I already feel better. 

Jen Hatmaker and Words

Well, Hello Blog.

It has been awhile. 

I am inspired to return here today because of a new book I am reading, "Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire."  It is written by Jen Hatmaker, who I admire tremendously.  I joke that we are besties...but I'm not sure if we would, if given the chance. I usually seek out a yin to my yang, when it comes to close friends. I imagine that Jen and I would be too "yang and yang."

I'm only on the 3rd chapter of her new book, but the first two chapters have already been A LOT to digest.  She is encouraging her readers to self-assess. It is a challenge to self-awareness, with an encouragement to make peace with your divine design. Even the idea of "divine design" is something I am currently wrestling with.  How does God's beautiful intention of you reconcile with your inherent "sin nature?" The Bible is confusing on this point. God and I are still talking about this and working it out.

Like most other people, I have really struggled with getting comfortable in my own skin. 

Like Jen, a big part of my self awareness journey is entangled with my religious background and its teachings on womanhood.  Those beliefs, along with a pretty traditional, Southern, patriarchal family, has led to awkwardly struggling with how to discover and realize my true design. 

Whether by nature or nurture, I have always had--again, much like Jen--A LOT of words and A LOT of BIG feelings. It is crazy how even typing that out brings tears to my eyes.  Just owning that.  Just plainly stating, without judgement--for even just my own eyes to see. 

So I think this introductory message of Jen's book of self-discovery and awareness is super important.  And as a 41 year old woman, I find that it is incredibly suited and relevant to my stage in life.  It feels increasingly critical to my contentment-- that I make peace with who I am, and stake claim to the freedom and grace I have to be her.

I guess I am writing this blog today because I want to be more intentional about processing the truth and wisdom that I am discovering. And writing helps me process.  And like I said, I have lots of words, and this is a place to put some of them.   

I think I am figuring out that while I like to share my words...but the purpose of the writing is for me. 

To be continued....

Testing, Testing...1, 2, 3

Checking to see if this still works......and how it will look. 

The End of an Era

Wow.  Is this really happening? 

Am I really blogging again....for the first time in years!?

What brought me back to the ol' blog, you ask? The finish line of my 30s. 

Even typing that feels bizarre.  How can my 30s already be over?  I think maybe I thought I would be 30-something forever.  Just like the TV show.  Just like FRIENDS.  Always in my 30s.

But when I wake up tomorrow morning, that will not be the case.  I will be 4-0!

I'm not ready to push the Panic button.  I don't think a mid-life crisis is looming.  But I am feeling a little weird about it.  The passage of time is a freaky thing. And I think when your life is so absolutely incredible, that you don't want it to pass by.  I want it to stay.  Just the way it is.  With kids, and friends, and parents.  I don't like change.  And the passage of time necessitates change. 

Yuck.

When I turned 30, I was pregnant with my third baby.  I had recently quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom, and I was just starting to embrace all that came with that lifestyle....including blogging. :)

It was a time FULL of love, of little people, of kisses n' hugs, and happiness. 

And tomorrow will begin the 40s. And Praise God, it is still a time FULL of love.  But my people are all much bigger.  Pregnancy is no longer a possibility.  My third baby is just a couple months away from being 10, and I have to ask, and sometimes beg, for kisses n' hugs. 

Oh my.

God, I trust you.  I hope and pray that the 40s are absolutely fantastic.

My three babies, 14, 12, and 9

The year is now 2015...and so much has changed.

I am so happy that I found my way back to this blog.  I haven't written here in a very, very long time.  I came back to the blog to remember the time and details of an embarrassing parenting memory, to use for a little baby shower.  But oh my goodness!  Walking down memory lane on this blog has brought SO much joy to my heart.  I am so, so glad that I chronicled those precious years of babies and little ones here.  That season of life was absolutely beautiful!  Hard in some ways, but so awesome!  I miss it. Now, we are living with 3 school-age children- a 5th grader, a 2nd grader and a Kindergartener.  When I started this blog, I wasn't even pregnant with Adelyn yet, and no one was in school!

I have the time and opportunity to blog today because I am sitting on my big butt at home, for 5 days, with the flu.  The stupid, yucky, no-fun flu.  I have never had the flu before, but it totally sucks.  I do NOT recommend it.  Sadly, our sweet Caleb also has it.  His symptoms are different than mine, but he is still suffering.  Poor guy.  He does seem to get sick more than the girls.  It makes no sense, because he is a healthy, active boy.  But I will say, that when we are sick, it does renew my perspective on our general health.  We are so, so very blessed to NOT know what it is like to truly be sick.  Our friends and family that live with cancer, or MS, or ALS or other kinds of diseases, they are the ones who know what it is like to be sick.  And I am so humbled by their joy, and stamina, and perseverance, and perspective....God strengthens his people.  

Anyway...I would love to start blogging again.  I hope I can make that happen. 

Recent picture of kids- December 2014.

Big Blogger Loser

I can't believe that it is May, and I have not blogged ONE time yet in 2013!!!  I am a loser.

I started blogging right after I quit teaching.  At the time, I thought it was a duty of 'stay-at-home moms' to blog.  It was one of those "extras" that stay-at-home moms could do for their family....or themselves?!

And then this year came along....

God blessed me with a "part-time" teaching job at KOR education school, and it has been a butt-kicker!  I have not done the greatest job of 'balancing' my new responsibilities and time commitments.  I have definitely failed in the blogging department. :(  This is only my 3rd entry for this whole school year. 

Lots of things have been happening around the Skow hacienda. 

I want to document a few cute pictures...and then promise myself that I am going to come back here.  Soon! 

 Ellie being baptized by her Daddy.  One of the most precious moments in my life!

 Our little horse whisperer...all decked out for her chance to ride a big horsey!

The handsomest guy on the block...back in January at his "Warrior Dash" birthday party!

 My Beautiful, Loving, near-perfect children!!  I love these crazy, red-heads so much it hurts!

Have to write these down....

Adelyn-isms too precious to not record:

Tonight, while 'reading' her illustrated Bible, she points to a picture of Eve and says, "Is this Davis?" ?? No idea??

This morning, the kids and I went into the beginning of the second church service together, in order to wait and see Daddy for a few minutes.  The four of us stood at the back of the sanctuary singing.  In the middle of one of the worship songs, Adelyn tugs on my arm, so I lean down to her and she says, "This makes God happy!" So beautiful!

The other day, while we were listening to "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer"on the radio, Adelyn says, "Bubba only kills the deer with the black noses, right?" :) 

And a week or so ago, Adelyn started dancing crazy in the kitchen, and I asked her what kind of dance she was doing....she said "This is how the reindeer dance!  Can you pet reindeer?  I think one of the reindeers bit off a baby's finger one time!" ?!?  Must be an urban legend!

These crazy kids add so much fun and happiness to this already joyous season!!!  I LOVE MY KIDS!

Here are some of our Christmas 'reject' pictures...Christmas cards are currently in the making!