Processing

Whew.  When Paul talks about running the race, I think he had a vision of what the 2020-2021 school year was going to look like. 

This was my 15th year in the classroom (I think), and it was the hardest year in many ways.  I remember crying quite a bit back in August and September, because of frustration and exhaustion. But then like everything else, the public education world and I found a new normal. One with masks. One with virtual classes and Google Slide documents. A year of continually living out the "old dog, new tricks" scenario. 

Admittedly, I have one of the very best jobs on my campus, and I absolutely had it easier than some.  My mixed job as both an AVID teacher & school librarian is a very unique position, even in the district. I feel incredibly privileged to have my job. But because it is so unique, it can also feel lonely. 

(-Side note-I've had this thought again and again the last few days- to every seeming advantage, there is a flip side. And in order for me to maintain deep empathy, I have to remember that.  Whether it is wealth, beauty, power, popularity....there are is always a flip side of heavy responsibility, insecurity, loneliness, etc. that accompanies it.)

Now, as I begin to process our crazy year in the rearview mirror, my job was the least of my worries and hardships.  Let's make a quick, simplified list of 20-21, shall we:

Caleb's concussion

Dawson getting covid

Then me getting covid

Then the kids getting covid

Getting pneumonia

Dawson losing his job

Leaving our church

Worst kidney stone of my life

Lice!?

Water pipe busting and seeping through floor

Oh- and all the while, raising 3 teenagers!

I think that about sums it up. At least those are things that are still weighing on my mind and heart.  I think that is what coming back to the blog is all about....trying to unload some of these things. Finally.  

And it must be noted, that God has reminded me again and again- these are not the worst things. I know that.  I totally and completely understand that. We have dear friends and family whose burdens and struggles far exceed and outweigh our own. Honestly, I am in awe of how several of them deal with the hardest things of life; they seem to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And may God continue to strengthen them. 

It is my understanding that part of emotional maturity, or maybe just being a grown-up, is finding that fine line between taking the time to really feel and process your emotions and mental junk, while also maintaining perspective and avoiding the Chicken Little thing. Right?  Well, if you know me, you know I am a big processer.  I like to verbalize or put words to things.  Expressing my thoughts and emotions is how I manage them.  Transversely, I am married to a "stuffer." Even after 20 years of living with someone like this, I don't understand this approach. Truly. But I know this is another management system. But it is not mine. To maintain some kind of day-to-day functionality, I have to process my thoughts and emotions.  If I tried to stuff my big emotions, I'm pretty sure I would explode.  

So I think I'll chunk these happenings and mishaps, and blog about them separately.  It's too much too tackle in one session.  

But I already feel better. 

Jen Hatmaker and Words

Well, Hello Blog.

It has been awhile. 

I am inspired to return here today because of a new book I am reading, "Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire."  It is written by Jen Hatmaker, who I admire tremendously.  I joke that we are besties...but I'm not sure if we would, if given the chance. I usually seek out a yin to my yang, when it comes to close friends. I imagine that Jen and I would be too "yang and yang."

I'm only on the 3rd chapter of her new book, but the first two chapters have already been A LOT to digest.  She is encouraging her readers to self-assess. It is a challenge to self-awareness, with an encouragement to make peace with your divine design. Even the idea of "divine design" is something I am currently wrestling with.  How does God's beautiful intention of you reconcile with your inherent "sin nature?" The Bible is confusing on this point. God and I are still talking about this and working it out.

Like most other people, I have really struggled with getting comfortable in my own skin. 

Like Jen, a big part of my self awareness journey is entangled with my religious background and its teachings on womanhood.  Those beliefs, along with a pretty traditional, Southern, patriarchal family, has led to awkwardly struggling with how to discover and realize my true design. 

Whether by nature or nurture, I have always had--again, much like Jen--A LOT of words and A LOT of BIG feelings. It is crazy how even typing that out brings tears to my eyes.  Just owning that.  Just plainly stating, without judgement--for even just my own eyes to see. 

So I think this introductory message of Jen's book of self-discovery and awareness is super important.  And as a 41 year old woman, I find that it is incredibly suited and relevant to my stage in life.  It feels increasingly critical to my contentment-- that I make peace with who I am, and stake claim to the freedom and grace I have to be her.

I guess I am writing this blog today because I want to be more intentional about processing the truth and wisdom that I am discovering. And writing helps me process.  And like I said, I have lots of words, and this is a place to put some of them.   

I think I am figuring out that while I like to share my words...but the purpose of the writing is for me. 

To be continued....

Testing, Testing...1, 2, 3

Checking to see if this still works......and how it will look. 

The End of an Era

Wow.  Is this really happening? 

Am I really blogging again....for the first time in years!?

What brought me back to the ol' blog, you ask? The finish line of my 30s. 

Even typing that feels bizarre.  How can my 30s already be over?  I think maybe I thought I would be 30-something forever.  Just like the TV show.  Just like FRIENDS.  Always in my 30s.

But when I wake up tomorrow morning, that will not be the case.  I will be 4-0!

I'm not ready to push the Panic button.  I don't think a mid-life crisis is looming.  But I am feeling a little weird about it.  The passage of time is a freaky thing. And I think when your life is so absolutely incredible, that you don't want it to pass by.  I want it to stay.  Just the way it is.  With kids, and friends, and parents.  I don't like change.  And the passage of time necessitates change. 

Yuck.

When I turned 30, I was pregnant with my third baby.  I had recently quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom, and I was just starting to embrace all that came with that lifestyle....including blogging. :)

It was a time FULL of love, of little people, of kisses n' hugs, and happiness. 

And tomorrow will begin the 40s. And Praise God, it is still a time FULL of love.  But my people are all much bigger.  Pregnancy is no longer a possibility.  My third baby is just a couple months away from being 10, and I have to ask, and sometimes beg, for kisses n' hugs. 

Oh my.

God, I trust you.  I hope and pray that the 40s are absolutely fantastic.

My three babies, 14, 12, and 9

The year is now 2015...and so much has changed.

I am so happy that I found my way back to this blog.  I haven't written here in a very, very long time.  I came back to the blog to remember the time and details of an embarrassing parenting memory, to use for a little baby shower.  But oh my goodness!  Walking down memory lane on this blog has brought SO much joy to my heart.  I am so, so glad that I chronicled those precious years of babies and little ones here.  That season of life was absolutely beautiful!  Hard in some ways, but so awesome!  I miss it. Now, we are living with 3 school-age children- a 5th grader, a 2nd grader and a Kindergartener.  When I started this blog, I wasn't even pregnant with Adelyn yet, and no one was in school!

I have the time and opportunity to blog today because I am sitting on my big butt at home, for 5 days, with the flu.  The stupid, yucky, no-fun flu.  I have never had the flu before, but it totally sucks.  I do NOT recommend it.  Sadly, our sweet Caleb also has it.  His symptoms are different than mine, but he is still suffering.  Poor guy.  He does seem to get sick more than the girls.  It makes no sense, because he is a healthy, active boy.  But I will say, that when we are sick, it does renew my perspective on our general health.  We are so, so very blessed to NOT know what it is like to truly be sick.  Our friends and family that live with cancer, or MS, or ALS or other kinds of diseases, they are the ones who know what it is like to be sick.  And I am so humbled by their joy, and stamina, and perseverance, and perspective....God strengthens his people.  

Anyway...I would love to start blogging again.  I hope I can make that happen. 

Recent picture of kids- December 2014.

Big Blogger Loser

I can't believe that it is May, and I have not blogged ONE time yet in 2013!!!  I am a loser.

I started blogging right after I quit teaching.  At the time, I thought it was a duty of 'stay-at-home moms' to blog.  It was one of those "extras" that stay-at-home moms could do for their family....or themselves?!

And then this year came along....

God blessed me with a "part-time" teaching job at KOR education school, and it has been a butt-kicker!  I have not done the greatest job of 'balancing' my new responsibilities and time commitments.  I have definitely failed in the blogging department. :(  This is only my 3rd entry for this whole school year. 

Lots of things have been happening around the Skow hacienda. 

I want to document a few cute pictures...and then promise myself that I am going to come back here.  Soon! 

 Ellie being baptized by her Daddy.  One of the most precious moments in my life!

 Our little horse whisperer...all decked out for her chance to ride a big horsey!

The handsomest guy on the block...back in January at his "Warrior Dash" birthday party!

 My Beautiful, Loving, near-perfect children!!  I love these crazy, red-heads so much it hurts!

Have to write these down....

Adelyn-isms too precious to not record:

Tonight, while 'reading' her illustrated Bible, she points to a picture of Eve and says, "Is this Davis?" ?? No idea??

This morning, the kids and I went into the beginning of the second church service together, in order to wait and see Daddy for a few minutes.  The four of us stood at the back of the sanctuary singing.  In the middle of one of the worship songs, Adelyn tugs on my arm, so I lean down to her and she says, "This makes God happy!" So beautiful!

The other day, while we were listening to "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer"on the radio, Adelyn says, "Bubba only kills the deer with the black noses, right?" :) 

And a week or so ago, Adelyn started dancing crazy in the kitchen, and I asked her what kind of dance she was doing....she said "This is how the reindeer dance!  Can you pet reindeer?  I think one of the reindeers bit off a baby's finger one time!" ?!?  Must be an urban legend!

These crazy kids add so much fun and happiness to this already joyous season!!!  I LOVE MY KIDS!

Here are some of our Christmas 'reject' pictures...Christmas cards are currently in the making!

Long time, no blog.

I don't make it here very often anymore.  And that breaks my heart.  I'm not supposed to be here right now either.  I'm supposed to be making my lesson plans for my 9th grade class.  But I miss this blog.  I miss blogging about my babies.  I miss reading other blogs. :(

Life is quite different around the Skow hacienda these days.  It is...a little overwhelming.  I am struggling to reconcile everything.  I don't want to justify.  I don't want to balance.  I don't want to say that God is leading where He isn't....or 'spiritualize' things when they aren't.

I do know God has put three things in front of me....my family, my job at KOR and Healing Faith.  Now, what I do with those three things.....or how I manage them....I'm still figuring that out!

My kids are still really cute.  And they are growing like crazy.  I wish I was blogging about Ellie's experience in Kindergarten.  Or her losing her 1st tooth.  Or her learning how to ride without training wheels.  Or Caleb becoming this incredibly 'old' kid.  Or Adelyn moving past the "major pain in the butt" stage to the "my favorite little person in the world" stage.  Or my incredible husband, who I thought was the coolest, most awesome man in the world, and then somehow, he got even cooler and more awesome!?!  It's a lot of pressure to be married to a man like that!!!

I am going to try to post a few quick pictures/video.  But then I've got to get back to the KOR grindstone. C'est la vie!

The Night Before Kindergarten & 3rd

One of the most incredible privileges you can have as parent, is to watch God work through your children.  It is especially sweet to see God's spirit moving in your child, in order to pour out love on one of your other children. 

Tonight, Ellie had her inaugural prayer circle for school.  We started this ritual for Caleb, when he started Kindergarten.  The night before school begins, we make time to pray for and read scripture over the new student.  Dawson and I pick out verses and promises that we want to pray for our kiddo.  Then, the special child creates a circle around themselves (using fun, beloved items) and we sit around them to read and over them.   and Ellie was absolutely ecstatic that she would have her own prayer circle this year.  It was so cool to see how meaningful this little tradition has become in our family. 

When we started this night-before-school custom, both Lisa and Tracy got to be a part of it.  Then, the next year, Uncle AJ even joined in!  So, our circle seems small when it is just the 5 of us.  Even though they can't physically be with us, it is the most incredible feeling to know that our extended family is lifting our kids up to our Lord in prayer. 

My favorite moment from the night was when Caleb prayed for Ellie.  It continues to bring tears to my eyes when I think about it.   It seemed like the Holy Spirit was speaking through Caleb's words.  This was the beginning of his prayer.....

"Father, I lift up Ellie to you and I ask that you rain down wisdom, grace and strength on her.  I ask that you make her fearless and brave, so she won't be scared.  And God, please give her good friends...." and he said some other really sweet stuff, but I couldn't remember the rest.  I LOVE my kids!

We are so blessed.  And I am trying to count my blessings, rather than mourn Ellie's entrance into "school age."  But I am sad that she is growing up.  And I can't believe my baby boy is starting 3rd grade!?!  The times has flown.

Here are some of our pictures from tonight....

 Ellie's first prayer circle...

 Very appropriately lined in Barbies.  Can you tell that she is proud?

 It was so awesome to hear Caleb read God's word over Ellie....and even Adelyn "read" from the Bible :)

Caleb is an awesome brother....when he wants to be :)

 We were both crying :/  Like mother, like daughter!

 Then we tried to 'shake it off' by making funny faces!

 Caleb Wayne's turn!  

 Proud Daddy!

Who knew?

This is going to be the shortest and most boring post ever....maybe. 

It's 12:30am, and I seem to be seeing these numbers on the clock a lot lately.  My mind can't seem to stop buzzing and whirling.  Even in the late hours.

Who knew part-time teaching....just a handful of 13 and 14 year olds....would be so much work?!? 

Praise our Awesome God for my Awesome husband!

Back to ancient civilizations....

Brief Break from Africa Chronicles...

I am supposed to be cleaning my kitchen, folding 3 loads of laundry, creating a syllabus for my new Humanities class at KOR, packing bags for 5 people and calling 2 people back......

Instead, I am sitting here blogging.  I have a problem!

Oh well.  I wanted to say/share two things today.  One- I just read a little devotional article about Philippians 4: 4-7 and I am sitting here trying to absorb it.  The scripture is

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I have read this scripture many times.  It speaks to me in a very personal way, because I really struggle with anxiety.  This scripture instructs me how to deal with that anxiety...and I rarely handle it the way God instructs.  But He promises to replace my anxiety with peace, if I give it to Him.  The devotional I read spoke about how this peace is a 'natural fruit' of the Spirit. The HOLY  Spirit.  And I have to admit that I sit here, IN AWE...again....that I have THE HOLY SPIRIT living in me.  I am ashamed to realize that I live out most of my days in complete spiritual amnesia.   

What an incredible truth.  I, Michelle Marie Lively Skow.....a complete idiot most of the time, have the completely undeserved privilege of having the Spirit of the one, true GOD, dwell within me!!!!  

I know this is not breaking news.....but oh my goodness!  

Praise the Maker!

And Two- I am officially starting a campaign to stop the use of the word "HOLY" in our colloquial phrases.  I am so guilty of this...and have been since I started using the phrase 'holy cow' in 2nd grade.  But I have been so convicted lately that we have abused and overused the word 'holy' so much (even pairing this sacred word with 'crap' and worse) that it has lost its meaning.  Our human languages are so limited in how we can describe our God....we shouldn't taint the few words we have reserved for Him.  (cue exit from soap box)

ho·ly[hoh-lee]adjective, ho·li·er, ho·li·est, noun, plural ho·lies.

adjective

1. specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated: holy ground.

2. dedicated or devoted to the service of God, the church, or religion: a holy man.

3. saintly; godly; pious; devout: a holy life.

4. having a spiritually pure quality: a holy love.

5. entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred: a holy relic.

Water

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
Genesis 1:1-2

From the very beginning, there has been water.  I'd never really paid much attention to that before.  But I think there is something very spiritual about water.  It is of God.  Jesus is the Living Water. And God created in us a need for water....both physically and spiritually.  It is an absolute necessity for life.  

In Uganda, for the first time in my entire life, I realized how precious water is.  Here in America, we take water for granted.  I waste water all the time.  Even living in a region that recently experienced a terrible drought, I never went without water.  I'm not saying people here don't suffer due to lack of rain....certainly there are people who lose their farms, have to sell off their cattle....even I had to pay more money at HEB for my groceries because of the drought. But I can truly say that I never went thirsty, even through all those months without rain. In fact, I'm pretty sure every store I went to still had a public drinking fountain for whomever was in need.  And every public building.  And every park.  In every home....the faucets never stopped working.  

In Uganda, water is a treasure.  Safe, clean drinking water is so valuable.  I met so many children whose bellies were full of parasitic worms from drinking dirty water.  From having no choice but to drink water that was bad for them.  


The team always loaded up on filtered and bottled water every morning, before heading out for the day.  We always had our water bottles in our backpack, and frequently drank from them, as we worked and played outside throughout the day.  Even though we would sometimes spend hours working with the same group of kids, I can honestly say I never saw one of them drink.  None of them carried around a water bottle.  None of them ran into their huts for a quick drink, to turn on the faucet and fill up their cup.  Water was not readily available for them.  

What I did see was children carrying around jerry cans.  Either on their way to fetch water, or walking to bring it home for their family.  I saw young girls filling up their cans on the edge of Lake Victoria.  A lake filled with raw sewage.  

One of the more heartbreaking moments from the trip was in Wakisi.  This village was so beautiful.  And the day we spent there overflowed with God's goodness and grace.  We had so many joyful moments with the beautiful people there.  The village has two young teachers who come into the village every weekday to teach some of the children.  Their names are Charles and Michelle. (easy names to remember...one being mine and the other the same as my dad!)  Both of them were incredibly warm and welcoming to us.  I talked to them about their lives and their teaching.  It was so funny to see Michelle dressed in a long-sleeve sweater, wool skirt and knit hat.  We were sweating in the 80+ degree weather, but since it is their winter season, she was felt cool.  

At the end of our day there, Michelle pulled me aside and asked if we had an extra water bottle to share with her.  My heart sank.  She was thirsty.  And even though I probably could've found an extra bottle of water, I knew I could not give her one.  For several reasons, it would've caused more harm than good to give her one.  So I didn't.  I had to tell her no.  It hurt my heart.  Her request was so simple.  

Their need is so basic.  Not easy, but basic.  Water.

Now, I think about those sweet, thirsty people when I turn on my faucets.  I feel guilty when I pour clean, healthy water down the drain.  I hate that they suffer, and I have an endless supply.  

my bottomless water bottle...with babies praising God in the background

 classroom under a tree

 singing "Father Abraham...had many sons.  I am one of them and so are you!"

 the real heroes...Tressie & Elyse washing and Emma, Kari & Megan digging to help those poor feet

sharing pictures of my babies with the mamas and jajas of the village

 Lovin' on this sweet baby named Mulani.  He stole my heart...and then wouldn't let go...literally. :)

 One of our team members speaking to the two teachers I told you about...Michelle & Charles

 these precious girls danced so beautifully for us

so we wanted to learn how

they tried to teach us...:)

 And one of them even loaned me her hip wrap...but I still couldn't imitate them.  But it was fun trying!! :)

 i love this picture...we were singing, "He's got the whole world in His Hands."

This is so easy....so joyful

  Dawson and one of his many Ugandan fan clubs :)

How do I begin.....

I've started this blog entry several times.  I've wanted to tell the story of our time in Uganda.

But there are NO words that could possibly convey the experience- the spiritual, emotional and physical experiences that have forever changed my perspective and my heart.

Even though the words can not possibly convey what I want them to, I am still going to try. I have a feeling this is going to be long and probably come in phases.  Here is the beginning...

Africa is really different from America.

America...at least my America, is all about comfort, entertainment, and planning for retirement.
Africa is about surviving the day, and hoping for Heaven.

America wastes.  I waste. a lot.
Uganda wants.  Many are in want.

In America, my daughters have many dolls....so many dolls they can't play with them all.
In Uganda, I saw many children.  The only doll I saw belonged to a baby...the doll was made of sugar cane and sticks.

In America, many Christians, including myself, seem very preoccupied with this life.
In Uganda, most Christians I met seem to be focused on eternal life.

a little now, a lot more to come....

Family Fun Day

It seems like we have been consumed with preparation for Uganda for many weeks.  There have been MILLIONS of errands, along with hours of washing, packing, buying, researching, obsessing, etc.  So, Dawson and I decided that today would be dedicated to our kids....to having as much fun with them as possible.  The WHOLE day!  And it was awesome!

This morning, we all walked down to our neighborhood park.  Dawson and I played with the kids...actually played, not just sat on the bench and watched them play.  Dawson and Caleb threw around the football, while the girls and I ran around on the playscape and played 'Barbie camp out.'  Then we all took turns swinging.  It was a very pleasant start to our day!

Next, we took the kids to watch "Madagascar 3".  It was cute!  Even Adelyn was entertained, and sat through most of the movie.  We spoiled them with popcorn, candy and soda.  We all enjoyed the full experience!

We let them skip naps today (which is a BIG deal in the Skow household) and we all went swimming at the public pool instead!  It was like a dream come true for them....to trade-in naps for swimming! :)  It was a super fun time, not too crowded.  And my precious baby girl is now swimming!  I almost started crying when I saw her swimming in the pool today.  I can't believe how big she is getting!!!

After a quick Sonic run, we came home, changed clothes and took them to Chuck-E-Cheese for supper!  This obnoxious establishment is usually only reserved for birthday treats, so they were pretty excited about eating with ChuckE!  Pizza, games and a weird, giant mouse....what more could a kid want?? :)

We ended the day with a round of baths and some good, quality story time!  Ellie wanted me to read, "Mommy and Me" tonight.  It took everything I had to not start crying when she handed me the book. I am determined to not let my sadness about leaving them spill over on them.  However....I'm sure they were all wondering why I hugged them each about 472 times today.

I didn't take any pictures of our "Family Fun Day"....which actually was kind of nice.  To be just a participant in my kids' lives.  Not a photographer.  Not an overseer.  Just a participant today.  But I will include some of my recent favorites of my sweet babies.

whew....handing them off to Nonny tomorrow is going to be hard.

 My beautiful, little mermaids

 From one of the MANY concerts that we have had lately :)

One of my very favorites from the VBS mustache series :)

 My precious little helper...helping me 'mow the grass'!

 

And my handsome, fellow gardener