I have to confess that I feel like this entire pregnancy has been somewhat of a 'crisis of faith'. First, the fact that it was unplanned and therefore, totally a surprise, caused Dawson and me to have to rely on the fact that this was God's timing, and we both know His plan is always better than ours. Then, this pregnancy has proven to be harder, both physically and emotionally than the two previous. I just felt sicker at the beginning, crazier throughout and now at the end, way more uncomfortable (aka--IN PAIN). Through all of these stages, I have discovered that I am not as strong of a woman as I once thought. And trust me, this is not something I am comfortable acknowledging or professing. But maybe that was the point--that God wanted me to realize how dependent I am on Him, for my physical day to day, as well as my mental sanity and emotional peace, and then give Him the glory for those things.
In the past month, I have gotten so pathetic that I have been BEGGING God to get this baby out. Praying every day that this would be the day. But for some reason, God isn't answering that prayer the way I had hoped. And in my bi-polar, somewhat schizophrenic state, I have let this seemingly unanswered prayer steal the joy away from some of my hours or days. However, in the last few days I have earnestly tried to trust God's wisdom and timing, and just enjoy our final days of being a family of four. And as feeble and delicate as my faith has been, God has blessed us with some awesome family time. So, even though I'm still hoping to go into spontaneous labor any moment.....no, not now.......no, not now either......no again...:) I will say I feel truly content--in fact, overwhelmingly blessed with my life, my Jesus, my extraordinary husband and my precious children.
Now, some pictures of our last few days....
Fun times at the park
Happiness before we found out our game got rained out (please notice my daughter's pig tails....I'm attempting to learn how to 'do' her hair :)
My sweet soccer star, attempting a 'mean, game face'--yea, right! :)
My sweet angel, chillin' with me in the car
The man of the hour, who takes care of us all
God bless you! He is with you always and will bring this beautiful baby into this world soon enough. Good luck and I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteWe'll be praying for you as you go down the final stretch! Wish I could be there to give you a hug and a meal (cuz that's what we do when someone is happy or in pain).
ReplyDeleteHang in there.....only a few more hours to go before you become a family of five (unless the oil stuff works!). I will be checking in on you. Please let me know what you need. :)
ReplyDeleteI have been and will continue to pray for you. I'm glad that you have been able to receive God's peace and contentment. I can't wait to meet that sweet baby girl!
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