Multiple Personality Disorder

I think I may have multiple personality disorder (MPD--for those of us familiar). In my life, days go by, and I feel so privileged! So extremely blessed by all of the goodness in my life. I can clearly recognize all of the comforts and luxuries I enjoy, as a 'middle-class American'. My cup overflows with gratitude for all of the big and little blessings in my life. And I easily praise God for His abundant Grace in my life.

Then the very next day, it feels like another personality shows up. Maybe her name is Belinda?! The peaceful gratitude is gone, and I feel completely jilted and frustrated. I am ashamed to admit this, but it's true. I will look around and see how old and tired my couch looks. I will notice all of the super cute clothes that my friends are wearing, while I begrudge my Target clearance. I will walk around in HEB, wishing I could buy shrimp and steak for dinner, instead of just plain 'ol chicken again. It almost comes down to a grown-up pout and pity party.

It's absolutely ridiculous! How is this possible? How can these same thoughts come from the very same person?!

And it's not just about "things"....I have this same bi-polar way of thinking about myself. I will be chugging along, feeling pretty good about myself...my purpose in life, my self-image, my inherent value as God's child, and then BAM! I start looking at myself in the mirror at Zumba class, and I start to loathe the person looking back at me. All of the sudden, I am worthless and ridiculous. I am without significance and completely void of any beauty.

Crazy, huh?

But at least, by God's grace, I am learning. I have started to identify these seeming personality changes as attacks on my spirit. I'm not sure if I can 100% credit these perspective fluctuations to Satan. Maybe. Or maybe it is just a surge in the battle between my own human flesh and my God-given spirit. Either way, I am trying to see it for what it is....an attack on the joy and peace that God offers me everyday. These attacks are ones that I can choose to fight, and claim the victory that Jesus has already given me again and again. Or I can choose to surrender to them....and suffer the emotional and mental anguish that comes with feigned defeat.

God is always the victor. I just have to remember that I am already on the winning side! So, maybe instead of multiple personality disorder, I have dementia instead?? :/

Psalm 20:6-7
⁶ Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses, (or in bank accounts or skinny bodies)
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

1 John 5:1-5
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has become a child of God. And everyone who loves the Father loves his children, too. ² We know we love God’s children if we love God and obey his commandments. ³ Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome. ⁴ For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. ⁵ And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.

God's Word is always good therapy! :)