BIG question

This one is going to be a little deep....you can choose now to bear with me, or move on. No guilt necessary for opting out. :) And let's me be clear--this entry is about ME. Not you. Not anyone but me.

First, I want to be clear that I love America. I am proud to live in such an extraordinary country.
I'm proud to be American, I'm proud to be Texan and I'm even proud to be half red-neck. And I'm very grateful for all the opportunities and privileges I've been blessed with.

But here's the big question that I've been wrestling with.... What does God think about the "American dream?"

I grew up with the expectation that I would live out the American Dream. I would go to college, marry the man of my dreams, get a good teaching job, buy a house, have a baby, buy new cars, have another baby, buy a bigger house, go out to eat, shop at Target, go on vacations, buy newer cars.....and on and on it would go. I thought this was how it was supposed to go.

But then God did something crazy in my life. He told me to quit teaching. He told me to give up my $34,000/year job and stay with my babies. Now, that's a whole story in and of itself, but the thing I'm really just now realizing, is that with that decision and the lifestyle change it brought, God started to doing something radical in my heart.

I started to see money in a different way. We became a family that was literally and directly dependent on God's provision through His church. It slowly dawned on us that every dollar we had came directly from God. We also had to start doing some yucky, grown-up things, like budgeting and re-prioritizing our money...God's money.

Now fast forward three years, to this morning, when Dawson and I are having our budget talk, and I'm crying at the dining room table. Crying about money. Again. Crying like a spoiled child, because I don't want to give up my cable, or my Sonic, or my clothing allowance to help build a church. Or to help feed and medicate orphans in Uganda.

Yep. That's what I said. Shameful, right? But that's basically what it boils down to. I thought God's plan for me included a nice brick home, a car I got to pick off a lot, trips to Target and going out to eat every Friday night. That's what He promises to good Christian girls who do their homework and pray every night, right?! Sacrificing my comforts and denying myself the joy of Target for the sake of meeting the needs of someone else!? What?!

But what if my expectations...my plan for the realization of the American Dream, was not what God ever intended for me? What if God never intended for me to have a 'nice house'? What if He never intended for me to have a new vehicle? Clothes from Gymboree? A vacation in Colorado?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that He didn't. He might have. But the newsflash is HE MIGHT NOT HAVE.

I DO KNOW that He intended for me to help the poor, the orphans and the widows. I DO KNOW that He intended me for me to help build His church. I DO KNOW that He intended for me to LOVE His people!

So, if these are the things I DO KNOW...the things He has expressly told me in His word. Then, why don't I START with these....make these my PRIORITY --BUDGET-- ITEMS. Then, I could ask Him what He wants me to do with the rest.

And as Christ-followers, why do we not teach our children to live their lives for these goals? To first seek His righteousness, and then, if there is time and opportunity, go to college. To FIRST, "go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit," and THEN find a job or career that you enjoy and that pleases God.

What if God never intended for me to have the American Dream? I'm not sure yet, but I'll be talking to Him a lot more about that.

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Matthew 6:25-34
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.