This past weekend, I attended a church I had never been to before. My plans to attend this particular church were even made last minute. Yet it became clear as soon as the sermon started, that God meant for me to be there.
Overall, the preacher was not notably dynamic. The sermon was not a piece of oratory art. But the God Almighty spoke once again directly to my life's true dilemma and the Holy Spirit offered some exceptionally beautiful truth to my anxious heart.
The incredibly necessary, but remarkably difficult sermon series God is preaching to me is simply titled "SURRENDER ALL" That's it. Surrender All. He has been artfully weaving this theme into my life for months. Dadgummit.
And let me tell you, I have sang this song many times, but to actually surrender all to God seems just about impossible. There are many things I CAN surrender. I will surrender our house and our cars. I am happy to surrender my career and my job. I can surrender friendships. Future plans. Even my marriage. On a good day, I may be able to surrender our finances. I even feel like I could one day surrender most of myself. But, as tears roll down my face, my babies are a different story. Even though, I sure thought that I was surrendering them to Him....come to find out, I'm not. Not truly and unreservedly. For some ignorant, foolish reason, my heart tells me my kids have to be under my wing. Somehow, deep down, I feel like I am the one protecting them. Providing for their needs. Trust me- even as I type these words, I feel ashamed to admit this.
I KNOW, in my head, and in my theology, that it is GOD, and ONLY GOD, that truly protects and provides for my children. I BELIEVE that God loves them more than I do, and He holds them in His Mighty Hand. But knowing and believing are very different than doing. Having a belief and living in faith. Not the same.
For some crazy, irritating reason, God has chosen to use this trip to Uganda to introduce my rubber to the the road. His road. Do I really trust Him with my life? Do I trust Him with my kids? Can I surrender ALL to Him?
The verses from Sunday's message that warmed my soul were Isaiah 26:3-4
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal."
Right now, this extraordinary promise offers me a bright hope--that perfect peace is on the other side of trust and surrender. I desire that perfect peace. I need that perfect peace. I know that God is faithful to give me the strength and courage to surrender all to Him. Now it's time to live that out. To surrender my most precious gifts, to choose His road and seek His peace.
I love you, Darling. It is so cool to watch all of this unfold before me, and see how God is making you even more of an amazing woman of faith. I know that God wants to do this in you because He's got huge things in store on the other side...in Africa or somewhere else in the future. So I just wanted you to know that He and I both think that you are really awesome!
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