oxyMoron

I think I could be losing my mind. I am blogging this just in case it really does happen and someone needs to someday analyze 'when it all began...' or just in case any of my friends or family come to visit me, and they find that I am not home.....now, you will know to check with the local looney-bin. :)

Seriously, I do feel like I have been through a mental battle these last couple of months. And I am still hesitant to even admit it to anyone. But that is the catch-22 of blogs....they can serve as good "journaling therapy," but then it is out there for whomever to read?!? However, I am compelled to share a little bit of it, especially after a good friend reminded me at a bible study this past week that we can sometimes squelch Satan's strategies by sharing our struggles and getting them out into the light. The enemy does love to make us feel isolated. He also loves to use guilt to way us down and steal our joy.

The crazy thing is that this season of my life is filled with so many blessings and very few burdens. In the past year or two, I have been through much harder and more stressful seasons than this one. Again, I am reminded of something else another friend said in a small group when comparing her 'small potatoes' to others' woes. She said, " My biggest problem is that I have 3 kids....and that's not even a problem!" :)

Anyway, I have just let Satan or maybe just my sinful nature have way too much control over my thoughts....and my perception of myself. I have focused so much on my failures and my weaknesses, that I could barely think of anything else. Again, another one of Satan's tricks. Whenever we take time to have a pity party, or just hate ourselves for all the stupid things we do, we are rendered useless for God's work. We (I keep saying "we" because it's much more comfortable to be universal here, rather than personal?!)...can become self absorbed and not even realize it.

Our women's group is reading through Purpose Driven Life, and in one of the daily devotionals, Warren says something like, when we get to Heaven, what if we have to look back on our life and realize all the time and energy we wasted worrying about meaningless things? I don't want to waste anymore time or energy worrying about or focusing on things that don't matter. I want to focus on my "big rocks"; I want to have an eternal perspective every day. Besides, I barely have enough time and energy for everything that is meaningful. I can't afford to waste.

I am acutely aware of my shortcomings. I am pretty sure I could be the reason why God had to create Grace. Alone, I am useless and worthless. But because I have been saved by His Grace. And I have the extreme privilege of having His Holy Spirit abide in me. I am capable of accomplishing God's will for my life. I have access to His power, His purposes, and His perspective. I just have to claim them.

So, I would like to end this self therapy session with a list of blessings....to remind me of my millions of reasons to choose joy over sadness, peace over anxiety, victory over defeat....
A-Adelyn Lively
B- my Bible, a source of Truth and peace
C- Caleb Wayne
D- Dawson Wayne, my best friend and my rock
E- Ellie Faith
F- the fellowship we have with our precious church family
G- God's good Grace!
H- Holly and Kari...God's favors to me
I- increasing ministry opportunities
J- Joy
K- kinds words
L- Lisa Kathryn
M- my Mom and my MOPS girls...sweet souls
N- our Nation of freedom and abundance
O- our small groups
P- a plentiful pantry
Q- quiet mornings with Him
R- rest
S- sweet sounds of our happy, healthy children
T- Tracy Jannette
U- underwear...glad to have some!
V- Valiant people in my life who inspire me
W- worship that refreshes my soul
X- x-citing possibilities ?! :)
Y- the yearning to draw closer to Him
Z- a zealous God who desires me to be zealous too

The end.